After depositing books and papers in their lockers, Faye and her friend Sarah walked the school hallways and ate their lunch. Faye slowly nibbled at her sandwich and sipped juice as they meandered around the circuit of main corridors and talked about school and boys and the pressure they were feeling to get their English essay done. They had already tried the gym, but there were just some boys there trying to play basketball and making rude jokes, so they returned to the hallway. As they rounded the corner to the “back hall”, Faye had to step sideways to avoid a spill of lettuce and croutons on the floor. Today was lasagna and salad day in the cafeteria.
Meeting them were a group of students, four or five grade 11 and 12 boys, and two grade 9 girls. Jeff was laughing loudly and body-checking his friends into the lockers. Faye and Sarah moved to the opposite side and switched to single file, Sarah ahead, Faye behind. The boys barely glanced their way as they passed, but one of the girls spoke to her friend in a half-audible voice, “… at least we have someone to hang out with.”
As they walked on, Faye could hear a teacher behind her:
“Jeff, is that your salad on the floor?”
“No, that wasn’t me … That was Sarah and Faye.”
“Yeah right, Jeff.”
Faye checked her watch. They had almost 15 minutes left. They decided to try the library.
Hi, Brent.
ReplyDeleteLittle acts of disrespect can accumulate over time and add up to a lot of anxiety. Since we talked in class about the hallway experience, I have been noticing these little jabs much more. And when I reflect on them, they're not so insignificant. A single "faggot" putdown can last a lifetime. I think this is a great phenomenological topic.
Gloria
NORM (from an email to Brenton): I like the way you've used conversation in this anecdote, from the very loaded comment on having "someone to hang out with" down to the also loaded comment "Yeah right, Jeff" from the teacher. I wanted to ask you, though, about the last line in the description. I am curious to know what your thoughts in writing it. Your use of the word "try" sounds quite significant to me, but I may be missing something.
ReplyDeleteBRENTON (from an email to Norm): Much of the source of social discomfort for students in our school does not come from overt bullying, but from the subtle slights and disparaging comments of others - hence the 'conversation' in the school anecdote. Sometimes even an aggressive or imposing physical presence (completely aside from words) is enough to make others feel intimidated. The last line of the school anecdote is an indication of students' seeking out a space of comfort for them during their 'down' time (social time). The "try" in the last line is to indicate that this pair of students are still looking for a place where they can not only "be", but "be themselves" - in comfort. Maybe there is even more meaning in this word that I am not ware of ...?
We have a cafeteria in our school, but students find comfort space in different ways. There are a number who eat lunch every day in my Art room. Roger Hannis has another group who always eat in his Math/AVID room. Some choose the library, some go to the gym, a few to their vehicles or even downtown, many wander the hallways.
Hi Brenton!
ReplyDeleteI think this would be a great research topic and an important one. I can still recall experiences of walking the hallways at lunch and trying to find a safe place to spend the lunch hour.
I remember the relief of having a place to sit (usually away from the inevitable group of older boys who mowed through the hallways walking 4 or 5 abreast and checking each other into the lockers).
One girl always sat at the top of the bleachers by herself, situated close to the gym doors where she could choose to acknowledge you or not-but where all the hallway travellers would eventually pass by her self imposed toll booth and would be in receipt of either a smile or a not so kind comment depending upon her interpretation of the person. Either way, I felt like a judgement was passed every time I walked by her (not always did I receive the same response!)
There was a group who sat on the floor at the end of the hall where the doors exited to the school yard. They would sit on the floor facing each other with their legs stretched out in front of them. As a person passed between them, it could be like running a gauntlet... if you were liked (or deemed unimportant/invisible) they would let you pass with little interaction...however, those less fortunate where subjected to food missiles, verbal abuse, or a well placed kick to the shin!
And, of course, only the select few got to sit at the far window table in the cafeteria!
Once in a while the lunch supervising teacher would pass through and legs would pull in, food would disappear, smiles would appear, and peace would pop up only to disappear as soon as the teacher passed on.
Maybe every group was trying to find a safe space? Maybe the lunch time hallway is a microcausim of students struggles to find themselves in a larger world?
Whatever it is, I recall the relief of finding a safe space in which to spend the lunch period. If I found a space then the lunch period went by too fast but if I was adrift, then the time seemed to slow to a snails pace. I think that this topic would be full of lived body, lived time, lived space, and lived relations.... a veritable cornucopia of lived experiences anecdotes!
Thanks for the read,
Merilee
Hi Brenton!
ReplyDeleteTwo additional thought comes to mind... you wrote:
The boys barely glanced their way as they passed, but one of the girls spoke to her friend in a half-audible voice, “… at least we have someone to hang out with.”
As they walked on, Faye could hear a teacher behind her:
“Jeff, is that your salad on the floor?”
“No, that wasn’t me … That was Sarah and Faye.”
First, I think that the girls comment about at least having someone to hang with may point to a possibly important theme of wanting to belong or be a part of something rather than being alone..even though the boys may be roudy they are seen as a better alternative to being alone -
Second, I find it interesting that, although the boys barely glanced at Faye and Sarah, they knew that they had passed by...
As you can see, this topic has caught my interest!
:) Merilee
Hi Brent,
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting your second work. This really is an interesting topic and as Gloria and you both mentioned small incidents built up over time can really have a profound effect, as can a singular statement (like Gloria’s faggot comment illustrates). As I read your words I wondered to what extent (if any) the small size of the school influences the bullying. The students in a smaller school would know each other, know their histories (and probably family histories), and who has done what bullying. Your words, combined with Merilee’s school memories (also from a small school I believe), made me wonder if small schools are more prone to bullying? Do you think the size of the school makes a difference?
Also, I wanted to comment on the use on dialogue. It added to the feelings the anecdote generated for me, making me feel more connected to the lived experience. Interestingly on the second reading of your anecdote I read the same small piece of dialogue, but with different tones. In the section where you wrote - The boys barely glanced their way as they passed, but one of the girls spoke to her friend in a half-audible voice, “… at least we have someone to hang out with.” My first response was to hear the girl’s voice as a sneer, a bragging – but on the second reading the voice had more sadness, and a little resignation in it – like she truly felt sorry for Faye and Sarah. This change in tone added different dimensions to my reflection depending on what tone in voice I went with. I found that very interesting, and similar to our Stuart McLean discussion last class.
Lastly, I wanted to mention time… In your last paragraph you wrote “Faye checked her watch. They had almost 15 minutes left. They decided to try the library.” Similar to Merilee, the time piece resonated with me; the 15 minutes seemed to be a very long time to try to be – and to be in a safe place. Brent this is another example of how a well done anecdote can have a powerful ability to pull us in and cause us to reflect (Max van Manen, page 121).
Thanks Brenton
ReplyDeleteand also to the previous commentors. Gave me so much more to think about. I really related to the isolation one feels when all the "other spots" are taken. It resonated with my own early high school experiences of not being part of the "cool crowd", being the outsider, being the one hoping to be noticed. I loved how you captured the demure and daintiness of the two girls "nibbled" and "sipped" compared with the gruffer style of the "group". Nice touch in the writing. I too, definitely feel that there is a very rich opportunity in a study of the "hallway", as well as what a wonderful opportunity for you to have a much deeper knowledge of what is truly going on in those "back halls" and in all of the halls. I am interested to see some of your final work here. thanks again. Iris
Hi Brent:
ReplyDeleteOf course I have the advantage of knowing the school so I found your piece easy to visualize. It was a powerful piece of writing because of the personal connections I was able to make to it.
I viewed your anecdote through the lens of being a new student to a school. I immediately thought of my experiences of going to new high schools, some larger and some smaller ones. In both situations, I experienced the shunning and the cuttiing comments that let me know that I wasn't one of them. Those experiences are still so vivid for me as they cut right to the core. We all want(need) to belong. The girls have each other in this case which helps and sometimes that is what makes all the difference to being able to navigate the highschool years.
I think you will have no shortage of materail to draw on should you choose to pursue this particular topic. Susan S